I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
