I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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