id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
