remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
