I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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