umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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