he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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