She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
