I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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