my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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