I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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