I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.