apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.