Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the day after is always just damage control
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
