My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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