last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
