You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
