so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
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Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default