they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo