I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect