If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.