Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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