I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So many bounce houses so little time
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So much Jack, so little girl.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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