I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The uberlube is also flammable
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
