her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
