It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize