Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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