It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
