so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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