i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
