Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In other news, I just burned my penis
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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