I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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