i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
