No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
