Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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