Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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