I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
