I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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