sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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