Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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