so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
