Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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