He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
