Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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