I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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