You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
