Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
