I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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