i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
