Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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