there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
