You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
