That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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