I cannot find my penis.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
