I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How does one acquire holy water?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
