she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So vagazzling was a success
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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