I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go