True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize