Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.