He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED