I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.