Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad